I was going through some old film that I got developed a little while ago and found these. I love this little monster!!!!! I forget how far we've come and how old she has gotten, until I look at old photos like this and it takes me back - back to that time in my life when I thought I had it all figured out and I was stupid and naive. hahahaha! But really I was stupid and naive and I still am. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I had no idea how my life would change. I had no idea how much I didn't know.
But this was Sydney, at age three. I had just gotten off work and drove over to my mother-in-law's apartment. I knew she would be there and that we would be taking her home with us. We had talked about it for months and knew it was a possibility someday. But I had no idea what to expect. I hadn't seen her since she was crawling. It was Christmas, years ago, and she crawled around with everyone's shoes on her hands. I knew she wouldn't remember us.
As I stood on the balcony of my mother-in-law's apartment and talked, I noticed a bunch of little kids running around on the grass near by. I asked, "So.... where's Sydney?" And the response was, "She's right there." I was confused. "Where?" "Right there," my ex (husband at the time) replied pointing to the little one in the jumble of what I thought were all boys. Yes, her hair was short, shaved in fact. Apparently, for whatever reason, her dad didn't want to bother using lice killing shampoo. Brilliant idea! "let's shave everyone's hair, instead," I guess. I never actually bothered to ask what was going on in his head or why he would shave a little girl's hair. I was just like, "give me your kid," and let's get outta here! hehe.
So we took her home, along with a bag of suspect belongings, that included dirty mismatched clothes, that I am still not even sure belonged to her.... And it was crazy and new, and different and scary.
Honestly though, I remember thinking to myself, "What is this little creature and where did she come from?" not because of my lack of maternal love, but because she was so crazy and out of control. I didn't know what to do. And I still don't know what I'm doing. I don't think I ever will. hahaha! I think the day that I get this mom thing down will be the day my cold, black heart stops beating.
oh! A little about these photos.... Once we were able to figure out something that resembled a routine and a life that seemed manageable, we discovered she LOVED mopping floors. To this day she still does. She just so happened to be mopping the bathroom floor the day I came across these photos. :)
